I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
