Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
