So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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