you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize