i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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