In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
