Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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