Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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