What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
