A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
