My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
