Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
