Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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