Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
