i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
