yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
