I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
