Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
