Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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