If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just want to make out with him forever
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
