I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
