I want to have your abortion
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize