I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
