we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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