Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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