FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
