I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
