my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
