Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
