One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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