i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
