the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
