no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
