walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
