I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
