Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
