So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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