I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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