I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
