Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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