i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize