Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
