Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
