So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
operation have a gay friend backfired
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
