nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
