I hate your face
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I need water and some morals
Randomize
