Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
