There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
