So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
