Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
