You're so nebulous sometimes
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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