how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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