It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
