Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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