if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
