I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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