and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
so much tequila, so little girl.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
