i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
