Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
