It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
