Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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