oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
