i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
