I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
