i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
