I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Houston, we have a squirter
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
