To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize