$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Boobs are out for the taking
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
