Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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