i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
