her vagine was all disorganized.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize